I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
