i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
