you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
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My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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