she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
