Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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