she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
