I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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