I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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