Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
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When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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