I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
