I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
