I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
