ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I smell like Dick and happiness
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