well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
