I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
