Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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