Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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