I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
