im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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