Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
