glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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