The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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