broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
