your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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