So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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