it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I look better un-naked...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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