Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
