my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
