Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
