Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He did a backflip because drugs
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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