oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
