how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
