Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i need some magic done to my vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
