bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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