i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
