I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
