My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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