My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
