I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
