I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
