So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
