grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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