how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize