She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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