My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
