dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
