you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My ATM looks so different sober.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
