Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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