Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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