im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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