Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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