when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
