I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
