so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
