So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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