well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
