Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize