So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
