It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
