i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
