i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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