my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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