if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize