Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
