My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
then he tried to convert me to islam
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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