My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
