OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
