if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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