I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
