It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
