Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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