i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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