So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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