i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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