That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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