i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
