it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
