I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize